ED TRIGGER WARNING

So it is getting to the time of year where the sun is getting warmer, the days are longer and everyone is out in their bikinis glowing like the goddess they truly are. But amongst these happy and fresher times, it is so easy to get caught up in comparison, insecurities and self-doubt.

I for one found myself amongst these thoughts last week. I would say that usually, I am pretty stable with my relationship to food, I have never been one to feel like I shouldn't eat to be smaller, I do know what food is good and what I should incorporate into my meals and I also know when I am feeling shitty that maybe I'm lacking this or that. I have never tracked my calories and I eat what I want, when I feel like it and stop when I feel like it. Although I do find myself often around others who may not eat most of the day so they look smaller for a night out or think they are extremely bloated when to me, they appear completely fine.

But last week I did find myself triggered and having these thoughts. It was something someone said to me about 'shredding' and how you couldn't grow a big bum and have a flat stomach at the same time. They proceeded to talk about how much they had lost from 'shredding' and that if you want to grow your bum and be small you will have to shred first. It made me feel insecure and like what I was eating with my training was wrong. I immediately felt like maybe I should 'shred' and eat smaller portions and less so that I can 'shred'. The following few days I was hardly eating compared to my usual food consumption and it wasn't a controlled healthy 'shred' at all... I was extremely tired, nauseous, and grumpy. I realized what I was doing was not me and not the right way to 'shred' at all. Luckily this only went on for a few days for me before I stopped myself and reached out to a friend who has gone through a way deeper experience with these thoughts than me. I reached out to her because I know her story and I know how far she has come and how much she has educated herself on having a healthy relationship with food. Her advice was super helpful and insightful, which is why I asked her to help me with this blog to hopefully reach someone else who needs to hear what she told me. She is going to stay anonymous for now but if you are in need of a refreshing voice in regards to body image and relationships with food, please keep reading.

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Anonymous Writer
I am one of many individuals who has struggled with severe and destroying low self-esteem, confidence and comparison battles. This is just briefly a bit about me and my story. I have lived with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia for about 3.5 years. The harmful ways I lived my life and the lengths I would go to in order to feel ‘thin’ made me feel empty instead. Due to the risk of terribly triggering someone who may read this or even potentially give people who may be slightly struggling, ideas on ways in which this happened, I do not feel comfortable sharing the exact details of every detrimental, uneducated and sadly disturbing and abnormal eating habits that were performed through the years.

Through this time period, I was harshly damaging both my physical and mental health. The things that I loved doing suddenly became the main things I would try anything to avoid. I was angry, lonely and fearful and of course, I would mask this best around the people I was the closest to the most. Some of which included hiding my body around anyone and everyone, consistent body checking, never getting in photos, excessive grooming and absence from certain events that would require my body to be shown. There would be instances that I would check the weather app every day, all day and cry excessively and aggressively hit my stomach out of anger if there was a scheduled warmer day. Other times I would choose to be alone instead of with my friends because I didn’t want them to look at me which led me to feel exceptionally lonely at times as I knew deep down I wanted to be enjoying my days like everyone else. I was heavily self-isolating myself from every other single person out of fear, deep sadness and resentment towards what I looked like. If someone were to compliment me, I would instantly think they were a liar and were subtly making fun of me.

Body dysmorphic disorder involves an obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. Whilst eating disorders are a range of psychological disorders characterised by abnormal or disturbed eating habits.
It wasn’t until about 2.5-3 years into my disorder that I actually recognised and acknowledged that my obsessive focus and the out of the world and wrong eating habits were truthfully a disorder. This was a hard pill to swallow. It took me months and months to believe and process it because I still thought I was “too fat” to have an ED and what was recovery going to do for me? Make me even fatter?! And who was I going to tell that would believe a “fat girl” like me would be going through what I was. This meant that every day up until then I was in a massive denial period and was just pushing myself deeper and deeper into an unhealthy lifestyle and causing my body so much agony and honestly disrespecting myself to the absolute limit. After accepting the fact, it then became an ongoing battle of recovery, education and turning myself around...

A healthy Mindset involves finding ways to grow from your thoughts instead of letting them control your life. In order to allow ourselves to stay in this headspace, it is crucial that we do not ponder over our self-doubt and negative passing thoughts but instead become aware and strong enough to shut those thoughts down before we let them consume us. Consuming thoughts can be detrimental to our mental health and at the end of the day, it is important to remember that not everything you THINK is actually the TRUTH. Sometimes our mind plays tricks on us and is lying when reservation passes through due to the overpowering sources of comparisons in everyday life and unrealistic beauty standards that have been shaped over many years of lost and confused generations in society.
Altering your mindset can be challenging at first but after practice, like getting good at anything, this is the same thing. Our minds will always believe in everything you tell it, therefore feed it with the truth and feed it with love.
When dealing with switching up our mindsets, it is important to understand that we are trying to move out of a fixed mindset such as “I’m going to be good at something or I’m just going to be bad at something” and change our mindset to a growth mindset which would override that statement to being “I can learn and progress through anything I put my mind too”. To avoid self-sabotaging and reoccurring self-doubt, becoming a growth-minded individual would provide many benefits and rule out limitations you give to yourself. Therefore if you are feeding yourself words such as “I am too fat for this” and “I am not enough”, your mind is developing that limitation and it becomes inescapable, which is something I was personally lost in and is sadly very common.

It hurts me to hear about anyone who puts themselves through that starvation phase and when people rush to the ‘all or nothing’ ways due to what I have struggled with and I know that if you do not snap out of it quickly, it is extremely easy to become SO addicted too.

As it becomes closer to the summer days, it is all over our social media and surroundings that everyone is shredding and working even harder to get their goal body and posting their best shots of themselves. Working and bettering yourself, FOR YOURSELF, is completely fine and healthy however if you are mixing that with toxic habits, starvation periods, fad diets and quick fixes that you may come across, that is when what you are doing is not okay. As many people become increasingly anxious as we get closer and closer to our sacred summer days, many healthy habits and routines that we have are easily thrown out the door but it is extremely unfavourable and damaging!

TRUTHS:

1. NO FAD DIET OR QUICK FIX YOU SEE ON INSTAGRAM, ETC. WILL WORK.
2. OVER 57% OF FEMALES IN AUSTRALIA EDIT THEIR PICTURES ON INSTAGRAM THAT YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO. STOP COMPARING.
3. INSTAGRAM IS NOT REAL LIFE
4. EVERYBODY NEEDS FOOD. FOOD IS YOUR FUEL NOT YOUR ENEMY.
5. YOU DO NOT LOOK SKINNIER BY STARVING YOURSELF FOR ONE DAY BECAUSE THERE IS AN EVENT ON. YOU JUST FEEL EMPTY BECAUSE YOU ARE EMPTY. NO ONE CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE. DO NOT DAMAGE YOURSELF BY THINKING OTHERWISE.
6. FOOD MAKES YOU HAPPIER AND BRIGHTER.

Today I am happy, confident and healthy. I know my body deserves nutritious food every day and my body thanks me every day for treating it right. I still have goals like everybody else however I know that I will never try to achieve them through toxic habits. Going forward personally I have taken major steps to continually turn myself around, investing a lot of time educating myself and currently studying Mind-body practitioner. I would like to offer some of my positive knowledge and solutions to anyone reading this...
Self-doubt and moments of negative talk to yourself do happen and it happens to everyone, even the people you least believe should ever have low self-esteem. Recognise and identify what it is and then LET IT GO. It is your mind playing tricks! No one thinks that of you!
Listen to Podcasts on positive relationships with food and bodies, some of my favourites are:
LOVE YOURSELF HEALTHY
BREAKING UP WITH BINGE EATING
TITTY TALK
RISE AND CONQUER
THE AWAKENED HEALTH COACH

Remove yourself or stop conversations where the people you are surrounded with are “FAT- TALKING” about themselves or others!
Do not ask someone what diet they are on unless they are wanting to share.
Follow a healthy lifestyle, invest in a coach who knows what they are doing and TELL them if you’ve struggled.
Practice daily affirmations and positive self talk - “YOU ARE WHAT YOU SAY”
Meditate - learn relaxation and stress management
Talk to people you trust about your feelings in the moment before it goes on too far.
When undertaking a ‘challenge’ or ‘shred’ remember to never restrict any type of food group! For our bodies to perform and be at its peak we need to provide a nutritious balance. Thereby you will never feel guilty nor starved by one food group. For instance, consuming a below minimum amount of each food group one day and being fooled into thinking that you are losing a lot of weight will actually reverse and your goals will not be sustainable and achievable. Your body will also store any of the fat that you feed it as an automatic response to hold onto what it feels it's being starved off!
BALANCE IS KEY!
Give yourself permission to eat and eat what you want! Stops you from severe craves and binge eating at a later date.
Dieting and shredding is not about eating as little as you can! Your physical endurance, brain power and everyday body functioning will suffer if you do not eat sufficiently everyday, consequently creating toxic health habits and putting your mental health at risk.


Come as you are…
With Love, JELANI